I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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