Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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