I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
