He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
