Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
