fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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