eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
