you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize