So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
