It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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