that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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