Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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