She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
