I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
