u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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