girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
