and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
