I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
