who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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