Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm too high and old for this...
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
