Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Houston, we have a squirter
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
