i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
being pregnant is like rehab
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
