I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
