I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
