We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
