ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You are the jesus of drinking
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize