I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
