peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Fuck me I smell like cheese
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
