I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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