I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize