Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
