If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize