Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
