Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
