Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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