It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
