So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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