i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize
