im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
