my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize