Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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