Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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