I look better un-naked...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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