This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize