Who did Billy Mays play for?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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