Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
