I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
