i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
