She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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