i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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