My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
