dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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