"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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