ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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