OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So much rum. So many feels.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
