1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
her vagine was all disorganized.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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