I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I'm really busy with my period
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