stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
