woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
