You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
