My liver just broke up with me...
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
