she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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