I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
