Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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