I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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