I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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