Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
