Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I am one with the molecules
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
