At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
