Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
