He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
