her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
