My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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