Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
