Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
