I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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