I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
