The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Randomize
