I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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