apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
