lets start a swedish sibling band together
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
