i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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