i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
