he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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