I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
