All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
