I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
