I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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