Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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