$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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