the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
