why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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