it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
