He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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