Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
