Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
