The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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