So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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