I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
