I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
