If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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