Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
