There was a lot of him and a little penis
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
