Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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